That “moment”

It’s no secret. I’ve been struggling for months. Struggling to keep my head above water. Doing the bare minimum of what’s required of me as a person outside of work. I’ve been angry and withdrawn and lost and not feeling like myself. Some days it takes everything in me to not break down in tears over meaningless things due to exhaustion from not sleeping which I still have been unable to solve despite cutting out sugar, going to the gym, and having a bed routine. 

Tonight I had one of the best nights I’ve had since I was at lake balaton in Budapest or drinking with one of my best friends until I couldn’t drink any more. It wasn’t the drinking tonight though that made this night so great. It was the people. The people who believed in me before I believed in myself. The people that made me desire this life full of travel and opportunity and always searching for information. They reminded me of who i am and where I want to be. They re-inspired me and re-centered me of what I want out of life. The bigger picture. They reminded me of why I did all the things I did to get to where I am over the last ten years. I couldn’t be more thankful to them for still being in my life and still treating me like gold. Like part of their family. Better than I’m treated by my own flesh and blood. 

I remember exactly who I am and where it is I want to be. It most definitely isn’t where I am. There is so much more I could be doing with all of this spare time I have. There’s so many positive places I could be putting my energy in instead of walking around angry like I have been for the past three moths. 

The stars are aligning. There is something on the horizon for me. I just need to be in the right place to catch it. I need to reinvent myself and believe more. There is so much more out there than what is in front of you but sometimes the best things are unknown and need to be sought. You won’t know what it is until you see it.