life

Stifled

Posted on by Dreams to Plans

Starting to feel the effects of no longer being in school. For over seven years I was surrounded by educators 24/7. When I wasn’t in class I was in the library. When I wasn’t in the library I was at work where I either worked for the college or the university. I was constantly surrounded by people who were striving for more trying to better their lives. But I didn’t take it for granted. I was aware of how unique my situation was and I soaked it up. This constant stream of inspiration is what got me through my education. I needed it. 

Now 8 months later, after I left my biggest source of inspiration, do I ever feel it big time. I feel stifled. I feel lost. I feel like I’ve stopped dreaming. Unsure what are my dreams and others dreams for me. I’ve lost the best parts of me. 8 months ago I’d describe myself as the girl who was willing to help anyone because, why not? I was happy to share my knowledge and resources and help a fellow classmate anyway possible. Now, I feel like that isn’t me. I can’t be bothered. I’m uninspired. Although that opportunity is no longer there since that is no longer my world. I need to find a new identity. A new world that excites me and makes me me. But I don’t really know where to begin. 

I just know I saw this quote just now and it struck a soft spot with me. 

Accounting is me 

Posted on by Dreams to Plans

Over 9 years ago I had a feeling id like accounting. 8 years ago I took an accounting class and killlled it. And 6 years ago I decided I was going to go all the way. I got my degree in accounting 6 years later without ever working a day in accounting. I still had no way of knowing if I’d like it. 

8 months ago I took my first job as a senior accountant at a dealership. Not only is this industry fast paced, but it is very interesting to me and there’s tons to be learned. I can be working on something and not realize 4+ hours have past, I’ve skipped dinner, haven’t had a bathroom break in hours, and suddenly find myself alone in a thunder storm. 

It’s brought out my best qualities that I’ve always known were there but have all come together at the same time. I was made for this. 

I love the accountability of accounting. I love that I can spot a mistake, investigate it, and immediately trace it back to a time, place, and person. The numbers never lie. I love that it pushes me to be better. Everything, the good or the bad, is an opportunity to further myself and better myself. Not only do I learn more about accounting, business as a whole, the auto dealer industry, but I learn a lot about who I am and why accountability kicks ass and what will instantly grind my gears. 

I’m pretty lucky that a feeling I had 9 years ago has come to fruition and that it compliments exactly who I am as a person and in only 8 months, I’ve achieved more than I dreamed of and I am starting to see a career path for myself. I have so much to learn but my constant drive and need to know keeps me going. 
This whole experience has been dream-like. I could never have imagined this. 

When the going gets tough 

Posted on by Dreams to Plans

The last two months have been one for the books. All my greatest fears came to fruition. Life has been unkind to the people I love and the people I thought I could depend on in the worst of times have turned out to be people I could no longer have in my life. It was an easy decision to remove them immediately. My life has no room for anything but love, encouragement, and support. I also lost something so precious to me that I thought I’d finally found. It was found and lost before there was even time to process what happened. But this particular feeling will pass in a matter of time. 

A year or two ago I wouldn’t have been able to cope with any of this with the stress of school. But I have learned that even though it feels like everything around me is going to hell, my life doesn’t stop. It keeps moving forward. Deadlines still come and go. I still have goals to meet and things to accomplish that I know my future self will be grateful for. I’ll be happy knowing I kept going even when all these crazy things were happening around me. 

I was naive to think that just because I connected with some people like I never had before because of my trip las year that they would be in my corner when I needed them. I have learned though that the people who continuously cheer me on through the good, the bad, and the ugly, are people that keep me pointed in the right direction and are people I need in my life always. 

So I’ve pushed on because you have to. I continue to give the world the best that I have and to some it won’t ever be enough but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I know I’ve given my best. I continue to be kind, honest, and open minded and those small actions will keep bringing good things and new opportunities into my life and slowly but surely I’ll keep building on my goals and dreams. 

In other news: I’ve buried myself into work more than I probably should but it’s been the biggest blessing as it keeps me preoccupied and motivated to keep being better. I’m happy that after only five months in I’ve already accomplished a goal I never communicated verbally. It’s encouraging and I couldn’t be happier with how my first five months of post graduation work is turning out. I followed my intincts to stay home and save money on a term position and in return I am gaining valuable experience in a fast paced environment that will lead me somewhere even bigger after the term ends. It is too early to say what that looks like right now but I am open to whatever comes my way. 

The last 30 days and the next 30

Posted on by Dreams to Plans

The last 30 days have been interesting to say the least. I finished university, started a job, turned 26, survived Christmas, and escaped for New Years. I also lost a grandparent. To say I handled all that well would be an understatement. I didn’t give myself enough time between transitioning from a student into the working world. I set myself up for failure and disappointing myself. I did however finish university, finally. And I still started the new year the way I wanted too. With a good friend and lots of laughter instead of spending the whole weekend wondering when life would take my grandpa. 

Despite a few things that I couldn’t control, I take full responsibility for my shortcomings. I’ve learned that I need to be and stay organized to feel in control and I need to take better care of my body. I’ve been living one day at a time for far too long. This is the only way I’m going to swim, otherwise I’ll continue sinking. 

So the next 30 days I will have better intentions. I used this whole weekend to meal plan, shop, go to the gym, do laundry, put things away, make room in the kitchen, cook, and make my meals for the next couple of days. 

I intend on forming habits, making changes like I did this weekend (such as cooking with coconut oil) and doing my best to stay away from temptations including sweets, chocolate, sugar, salt, carbs. 

I hate all the pressure that working out and eating well places on you because of the fear of failing. But I’ve had that fear hundreds of times and I always got it done in the end. This is no different and I’ve never been able to give it an honest try.

Crossing my fingers this will help the next 30 days go smoother. 

  

2016: Positivity, Purpose and Balance

Posted on by Dreams to Plans

I found that focusing on positivity and starting the year with purpose made a world of difference in 2015. I set my sights on what I wanted and focused on the things I had control over and everything went off without a hitch. Except the things I knew I couldn’t control. I don’t want 2016 to be any different except I need to find more balance. 

2015 was definitely my selfish year. I did things for me which I needed to do for a long time. I don’t want to stop doing this but I definitely need to keep it in perspective. It’s nice to be selfish but it’s not nice to let everything go to the side lines. I also need more balance with my health and fitness. I know the journey to a healthier life is not going to be perfect. There will be times where I’ll hate it and give up and start from scratch. But any step will be a step in the right direction and I can’t be too hard on myself. 

I also need to have purpose. For the first time in years I have no big dream to accomplish. I need to find out my new dream and purpose and not let everything else drag me down. Keeping your eye on the prize is huge during times when everything else in life isn’t going well. 

2016 is a clean slate. It can be whatever I want it to be. I just need to make new dreams and I know I’ll find my way to them. 

Xox

Kristina 

26

Posted on by Dreams to Plans

I don’t hate birthdays anymore. I used to dread them. This one has snuck up on me so fast but I welcome it. I couldn’t be more happy to turn 26. My life has only gotten better with time and I am positive this year will progress just the same. 25 was obviously a huge year for me. Europe, meeting my family, taking 9 weeks off, finishing my last semester of university, and ending it on a high note by starting a new job in accounting. I don’t think I could top it but that’s not to say this year won’t be just as rich in growing experiences. 26 for me means that I can go out and have as much fun on a Saturday night as I want and not feel guilty for not studying on a Sunday, it means I can plan my weekends and make day trips to places if I desire, it means I can give my body and health the attention it deserves, and I can work my ass off at this job and progress my career from the bottom up. I’m so glad to start this next year off so positively and I can finally cross the stage. A moment I’ve imagined almost as much as meeting my family in the airport 💕

Here’s to 26. 

My educational journey

Posted on by Dreams to Plans

I normally wouldn’t post something like this until I got my marks back just in case I managed to get less than 35% on my last and only final on December 21. But waiting till after I get my exam mark would not reflect all these things that I learned below. So here it is, a documentary of my educational journey on my last day of class of my university career  AND my last day working in post secondary which played a huge role in my education. It is crazy that these two events would happen on the same day after all these years.

Eight years ago I had zero plans to attend post secondary because I didn’t believe I could do it. I didn’t have the money, I didn’t have people to ask questions. Education was foreign to me. (This is odd to me now as I am a huge advocate of education as you will see below). I always struggled with comprehension growing up. It always took me a lot longer to grasp concepts especially when it came to social studies. I never saw myself as intelligent. EVER. All these things combined, I just knew that someone like me could never have an education. Where would you even start when you could barely get through the last of your high school education? Fast forward 8 years and now I have a college diploma and after December 21, a university degree. Who knew? Some of my closest friends have also told me that I am one of the hardest working, organized, and intelligent people they know. I didn’t really see it until a couple of years ago and it is still strange to hear.

After meeting some amazing people when I was 17/18, I was told I was too smart to not further my education. For whatever reason that stuck with me and the words of encouragement inspired me to make a good life for myself and keep my options open. It didn’t take me long to apply to do a diploma at NAIT and receive full funding after the recommendation to seek out all my resources/options. It was the wrong program for me and I did it for all the wrong reasons but I learned practical skills and it landed me a job as a step student resulting in six years of work experience in Post-seconday. I was immediately employed after my first year of studies with Lethbridge College. I fell in love with how quickly my life changed with only a year of school. So many doors suddenly seemed opened. The possibilities seemed endless.

In those short four months of work, I met someone who really reached out to me even though I only knew her for a few weeks. She told me that I was too smart to be working in the role I was working in that summer. That I should go and get a Bachelor of Management degree. It resonated with me hard. I started to think “why cant I?” My diploma thus far had been a breeze. I started to believe I could be one of those people with a university degree. I wanted all the opportunities and the security a degree could give me. Canada was also entering into a recession at the time and there was so much uncertainty in the economy that I wanted to make sure that my future self had a good life.

I finished my second year of my diploma not because I wanted too but because if I didn’t, I would have to pay the funding back I received. I was again immediately employed by Lethbridge College as a step student at the end of my diploma andon the same day I started the journey to my degree. I started taking classes online and at night for the next year while I worked for the college full time.

I left the college after a year to work at the university for the next year. When I left the college I was told to “not give up on my education for a job and that no one could take the degree away from me” once I finish it. That also resonated with me. If I quit taking classes and enjoyed the perks of working and having a life, would I ever want to go back? I just couldn’t get out the idea of having a degree. I needed to know if I could do it but it felt like it would take forever. I decided to take classes one more year part-time. 

The very first university class I took was English 1900. An english literature class. The entire class was writing essays and interpreting plays, short story’s, and poems. All things I have never been good at. I remember that feeling I got the first time I stepped foot in that university class. That alone was an accomplishment for me. I was worried about getting through that class since it didn’t interest me so I made sure to have a plan of action going into it. I started all my essays three weeks early and met with the prof to get feedback and then made revisions. I ended up getting A+’s on all of the papers and an A in the class overall. I was so inspired after that. I wanted to come back to school full time but waited until I finished my year long term at work. I went back full time in Fall 2012. I saved a large amount of money and knew that I had enough to pay for school and sustain myself for at least a year and a half of studies  and only have to work 10 hours a week. After the money runs out I decided I would just figure it out when it got there. I had 30 classes to complete after what transferred over from my diploma and what I had taken part-time. It wasn’t going to be easy and there was no end in sight. I figured it would probably take me at least 4 years to finish if I did a co-op and if I only took four classes a semester.

I continued working for the university for another year and a half part time while I went to school full time. It was a good decision at the time because of the convenience but was ultimately very tough as I was never focused on school or work. I struggled hard through most of the degree. It felt like I was barely hanging on. I made tons of sacrifices yet I still put everything first including work, friends, family and relationships. And I was SO hard on myself. I hated most of the classes and started doubting if I really had it in be to be an accountant. That was probably the hardest period of the entire degree. Going to class upset all the time so I never connected with my classmates and second guessed if this degree really was what I wanted.

All my life I thought I wanted to be an accountant without ever really knowing why that was. But over the last few years I realized it is who I am. Down to the core. The “accountability” of accounting speaks to me. The fact that the numbers dont lie. The numbers tell a story.

It wasn’t until I went back to work for Lethbridge College two years ago, with about 15 classes left in my degree, that I started to believe in myself again. I receive(d) so much encouragement there. They made me believe in my skills and abilities again. And it wasn’t until after another horrible relationship that I started to focus on everything I wanted for myself in life. I started to enjoy and TRUST the journey and believe that accounting was for me. I learned from talking to people at work that I didn’t have to love all of accounting to be an accountant and most of the things you learn at school you either don’t use or you will re-learn on the job and that that is OKAY. I also started to really connect with other students. My favorite part of the last two years has been helping out other students. University isn’t a walk in the park and students have so many other things going on that it helped me to be able to help them as I struggled with the exact same things. After that, the rest of the degree seemed more manageable. I could see the light at the end of the long tunnel and I have connected with sooo many students and it is so awesome to see how similar some of us are and that most of us have struggled with the exact same things and we are all still going to be accountants.

After all that, today I accomplish the biggest and hardest dream I ever had and I learned the hardest thing about it was me. I am the hardest battle I’ll ever fight. My degree taught me about accounting, sure, but it taught me that there isn’t anything that i can’t do. It comes down to how badly you want it and what you are willing to do to get it. A lot of students feel ashamed to go ask a prof questions before an exam or to review their midterm with them before the next exam but I learned that sometimes you need to pull out all of your resources in order to be successful, especially if you aren’t one of those people where you understand something the first time you hear it or see it. That doesn’t make you less intelligent. Realizing that you aren’t one of those people and acting on it makes you intelligent (to me). I also learned that even the wrong things still bring you to the right places especially in the context of education. Education is NEVER a bad idea and you’ll always be better for it tomorrow than you were today. After all these years, I know without a doubt I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. My education led me to Budapest, Hungary. A place I dreamed about for so long. I completed a class there and got to spend the summer with my family. Never in a million years could I have planned that more perfectly.

I’ll forever be grateful to the fundamental people who helped me realize I was so much better than what I saw in myself. You always saw potential in me from the very start, something I couldn’t do. But most of all, it taught me how very little it took to change someone’s life. If it wasn’t for those few people reaching out to me, I don’t know if I ever would have stopped to think that I was so much better and sought out my education like I did. I hope that someday I can have a similar impact on someone’s life and help them see that they have so much potential in them and to follow their dreams.

I will always look back on this time as one of the happiest periods of my life. It was hard and long but I never gave up. I have a hard time picturing myself being anything but a student now. And it makes me sad that it is ending after I feel like I finally connected with some amazing people.

BUT I am so happy that as of tomorrow, I will start using my degree. Not wasting anytime. I know this position I have accepted will lead me to great things. It is a great stepping stone into the accounting world and it will have many positive impacts on my life including my biggest goal of 2016 outside of work which is finally going to be health and fitness!

But lastly, I am over and above proud of my 18 year old self for realizing what my current 25 year old self and beyond needed and all the sacrificing that went into it all and showing up for class when I just couldn’t get out of bed on my darkest days. I always said after every class that I was “so lucky” to pass. It wasn’t luck. It was day after day of hard work and never giving up.

I fucking did it.

Kristina

There is no one direction

Posted on by Dreams to Plans

What drew me most to accounting and always has is the fact that there is no “one” direction. Accounting is so broad. I could change careers completely more than 5 times. However, as my degree approaches its end, it’s started to hit me. Accounting has no one direction. The choices I’m faced with are overwhelming. How do you know what direction to go in? Do I apply to every job description I see that has accounting in the name just so I can guarantee a job post grad regardless of my interest in it or the direction it’s going to take me regardless of the location or if I even have the money to relocate at this point? Is that a risk I’m willing to take for something my heart isn’t necessarily in? Do I wait it out? If I wait too long the credibility of my degree goes down while I work a job even further outside my relm just to get by. So do I start looking for temporary accounting work? Do I start offering to get experience for free (in the next two months) so that I can eventually build my references who will help me nail a job I really want that requires the 2-3 years of experience i don’t have? 

I don’t know. 

What I do know is, I’m going to do this my way. The hard and long way probably, but the way that always has the big amazing pay off because I took the time to build myself from the bottom up. This means that no, I’m not going to relocate for even the perfect job in January because that’s what everyone else thinks I should do. In a perfect world of course I would. But the world isn’t perfect. I will do things the only way I’ve ever done them. With enough money in my account that will get me through at least a month of living on my own as well as a contingency that could afford potential car repairs or another one off expense, and the potential for a car loan in the next year as well as student loan repayments. Don’t agree? Well I refuse to move under 100% capacity and to do things any differently than I’ve always done, stubborn but good with my money. My financial sensibility has never let me down. That’s what makes me who I am. You probably shouldn’t talk to me if you think living under 100% capacity is a smart choice for me.

I am also living well below my means currently. I had a wonderful time in Europe and did well financially and managed to save enough money to last me until December under the assumption that I’m only working one day a week. Howevwr, This means that I’m living under tons of sacrifices currently. I’m at home 99% of the time outside of school and work and not because I want to be, I just can’t simply tease myself. I allow myself one “me” expenditure a month so I don’t go crazy but sometimes that choice gets made for me. I’ve wanted to get a gym membership since I got home but I can’t. I want a hair cut but I can’t. I need an oil change and need new breaks but I can’t. I need new glasses and no not frames but a new prescription. I need a health benefit plan but I can’t afford it and am so lucky I haven’t needed dental work. I need a new phone. I’d prefer no phone at all but you can’t really get past that this day and age. More than anything though I want to get grad photos for myself. All things considered I can’t justify $200 photos when I need new breaks and only make $500 in a month. Let’s not even mention the photo I want to get printed from my trip to budapest. It’s crazy how quickly things add up and people think I should move to Calgary in an uncertain economy? I think you’ve never made budget forecast (thank you intuition, sensibility and accounting degree).

The answer is no. There is nothing more that I want after all these years than to be an accountant, and meet new people and to be around opportunities except to be happy. And to be happy I have to take care of me. And to take care of me I just need to be a person for a while who isn’t always sacrificing. For anyone who truly knows me, that’s all I’ve ever done. Saved to get a car, saved to move to edmonton, saved to get a degree. Scrounged to go to Europe like never before. Now I’m to immediately move away and hope rubbing what little coins I have makes money? No thanks. 

So I end with this. If you have a prospective job opportunity for me in my city for the time being, great, I’d love to hear it, if you want to tell me what I “should” be doing without being helpful, this is for you:  

Things will happen the way they are meant too and I’ll know it’s right for me when I’m just as passionate about it as I have been about every great opportunity in my life and that’s a risk I’m willing to take. 

Plans B, C, D, and E

Posted on by Dreams to Plans

Plan a did not work out. I wasn’t even upset. Just realized that it’s an opportunity to see what else is out there. Missing out on this opportunity may bring me to something I may never have considered before and could be the greatest thing ever which is exactly what I want. 

I have been doing some thinking about what my next course of action is then. I really can do whatever I want. I’m still young, still single, and I’m free to move around whenever I’m ready. There’s so many options swirling in my head that it’s easy to feel lost in it all. I however devised a plan tonight. I made a decision matrix and kind of prioritized the order. as plan B is what id like to go for first mostly because that’s where I’ve always seen myself. I second guess if this is the right thing all the time and if now is the time to do. I’m basically only going to pursue it to look for something that pops out at me. If something does, I know it was meant to be. If it isn’t, then I go for plan C. Plan C has many different alternatives that can take me many different places. But it could be an exciting road but on I only want to do for a few short months while I save money to be able to pursue those different places. I don’t have my heart overly set on anything in particular but one is definitely riskier than the other and speaks to your heart. 

The coming weeks could decide it all as I will re-commence the job search but it may not turn up much and I may have to start looking into plan C and just taking it all as it comes. It will all come together. It’s an exciting time to have so many options and flexibility. Every option will lead me somewhere great. Every option has promise. Every option will equally make me happy and when one doesn’t work out it will be an opportunity to pursue another amazing opportunity. 
  

Why? and Why Me?

Posted on by Dreams to Plans

Why another blog? Well, in the last 5 years, whenever I have been faced with a huge life changing moment or event in my life, I have turned to writing and documenting the process and why I deserve it as well as solidifying the reasons why it is important to me in the first place. The first instance being when I decided to go back to school for my Accounting Degree. I listed every reason why this was important to do NOW. Next I wrote about the entire process of finding out about the trip of my dreams and going on that trip and everything in between in order to make it happen. I found this to have a huge positive impact on me and vital to me accomplishing these huge moments in my life. Now I am faced with another huge event that will continue to shape me into the person I want to be and the life I want for myself.

I have decided to do my accounting designation sooner rather than later for a number of reasons (in a future post) and to also work in a firm. I am currently in the interview process and I thought it would be helpful for me to straighten out my thoughts on why I should be hired (which is an extremely hard question for me to answer because I am not competitive and not good on my feet when it comes to talking about myself) so I thought I would test it out here first.

Why me?

Because I have a unique background. I have six years of work experience in positions that have given me a wide range of exposure and responsibility which have taught me the importance of building and maintaining stakeholder relationships both internal and external to an organization, as well as building my communication skills to all of these stakeholder groups.  I also work in a very diverse office very similar to business consultancy which I can use to refer clients to similar services at your firm which I know is an area that your firm would like to increase its revenue in in the coming years. Having an accountant with a good understanding in this area would be a good start to achieving this target. I have also had the opportunity to work with highly sensitive information and I am very familiar with FOIP and maintaining high standards of confidentiality. I have worked extremely hard in both my education and in my professional experience and my exceptional performance level and drive to succeed will continue throughout my designation.

Any feedback you can provide me would be appreciated!!

r